Is it clear when a relationship is over? Will the right therapist help you figure that out?
A therapist can help you figure out if a relationship is dead or dying. It comes down to DESIRE. If under all the pain and hurt, you still want to be with this person, then there is hope.
People are meant to be connected and disconnection is a symptom of life. You will have varying times in your life where a disconnect is natural consequence. So, when you don’t feel that, one way people try and reconnect is by nagging, criticizing, blaming, and fighting. The other side is avoidance, hoping that if you stay quiet this won’t become a bigger mess.
To repair the disconnect, first identify what you’re doing in the disconnection. Are you fighting or withdrawing. And how do you get empathy for where your partner is. If you don’t understand your partner, he/she won’t feel close. Affairs can often be a protest for lack of intimacy. It may be an attempt to get your attention, or it could be that your needs are being met through someone else, which happens when you don’t feel like you matter to your partner.
Ideally, you’ll do the couples work together. If one person is doing the work and the other doesn’t respond to the new approach, it’s hard to make it work. Your relationship may end regardless of therapy, but if you haven’t done the work you’ll run into the same challenges in your next relationship.
There is something so powerful about saying “I want to be with you” and starting a new cycle with this person who is already a big part of your life.
Through the process of our own divorces, Barb Hazelton and Jo Briggs learned more than they ever needed or wanted to know. Through their friendship, shared experiences, and connections through navigating their own divorces, they created this video series. They've been where you are and they hope Single Process can make it easier for you by connecting you to their resources.