Healing through Divorce with Jon Cuizon

Divorce is about desperation. It does not feel peaceful. It feels unsettling and scary. But when you accept and work through the pain, you can get to a place of calm that is pure magic.

It starts with forgiveness. When you truly forgive, it brings peace to you. It releases all the pain and you can just be.

Learning to be with yourself is an acquired skill. Sometimes you have to get active, be hyper productive or exhaust yourself physically before you can just sit with yourself in silence. You’ve gone from full time to every other weekend with your kids. It’s scary, but it’s also so rich when you accept being alone and do the work with yourself.

You can’t do the work half-way. This isn’t a diet. You either let it go and work on yourself or you don’t. Invest in yourself; learn who you are. You can’t watch from afar. You have to go through the muck and face your horribleness. Divorce isn’t easy, but it can be a gift when viewed from the right perspective.

Feel the pain and work through it. Acknowledge what it is masking by looking to the past and uncovering what’s been at the source. Still waters run deep. Men tend not to talk, or if they do it’s not that deep level stuff. For the women, they need to slow down, be silent and still so they can truly reflect.

Placing blame on others has no bottom. It can feel good to play the victim and put blame elsewhere but a more constructive view is to recognize that you are both hurting. You may see defensiveness, bullying, or cruelty, but it’s really fear and sadness coming through ego.

The journey is more than worth it, but it takes work. Put off dating and other relationships and get into a relationship with yourself first. We are not pro-divorce, but we are anti-bad marriage. You’re not going to get around the work whether you stay in the marriage or divorce, not if you want a fulfilling partnership.

About the Author Barb & Jo

Through the process of our own divorces, Barb Hazelton and Jo Briggs learned more than they ever needed or wanted to know. Through their friendship, shared experiences, and connections through navigating their own divorces, they created this video series. They've been where you are and they hope Single Process can make it easier for you by connecting you to their resources.