Dating Do's and Don'ts with Julia Bekker

Dating is a learned skill and it should be fun.  With some simple guidelines, you can make the process more pleasant and find someone you didn’t expect.  

A first date can be almost anything, but ideally you would keep it short and simple.  Dinner can be long and expensive and can infuse more pressure.  On the other hand, coffee can feel too much like an interview.  A better bet is to just meet for a 30-45 minutes over a drink at the bar; it’s less intense, you’re sitting side by side, and it’s not expensive.  If you don’t drink, then get a club soda.  

If you know right away this person isn’t for you, get out of your head and just enjoy his/her company.  Try and be present and practice listening.  You can also make an excuse to leave early, or when the date ends, just say, “It was nice meeting you” or, “Thank you but I have to run”. 

A good conversation evolves and takes natural tangents.  One topic leads to another and you don’t stick on one subject too long.  If you have kids and the other party doesn’t’, don’t talk about kids the whole time!  And be careful about firing questions off in an interview style, but instead ask a question, and let the answer take the conversation wherever it leads.

When it comes to picking up the bill, Julia feels it’s still the man’s job to pay, but, the woman should offer. You could also offer to just pay tip.

Whether you loved or hated the date, send a thank you.  If you really like this person, send a little more than a thank you and suggest, “hope to do it again”, or “I looked up that book you recommended…” 

 Even if you didn’t feel a huge connection, give a new date 2-3 chances.  Sometimes people are nervous and it takes a while to relax and show his/her true self.  If you don’t push beyond your comfort zone, you’ll continue to meet the same kind of people with the same results.  

 If “sex” comes up in conversation, steer clear.  Sex should not be discussed on a date.  It signifies that this is superficial and they are not interested in more.  If you want sex, fine.  But if you are looking for a relationship, this is an indicator that they are not.

About the Author Barb & Jo

Through the process of our own divorces, Barb Hazelton and Jo Briggs learned more than they ever needed or wanted to know. Through their friendship, shared experiences, and connections through navigating their own divorces, they created this video series. They've been where you are and they hope Single Process can make it easier for you by connecting you to their resources.