If you’ve dated, you’ve made mistakes! There are some things you can watch for that will keep you in the driver seat, and avoid some common traps and red flags.
The Scarcity Trap: You stay on the sidelines because all the “good ones” are taken. But it’s not true. Divorce rates are high and climbing so there are always new bodies flooding the dating market. Don’t despair, but don’t expect it to fall in your lap either. In time, the right person will come along; if you’ve settled, you won’t be available when your person comes along. There are so Great places to meet include political events, dog parks and, wait for it….IKEA! Divorced people need furniture. Have faith that your person is out there and don’t settle.
The Rescue Trap: It feels good to be needed, especially after you’ve been decimated in your divorce. But avoid the “I can help this person”, “He/She has potential” “They just need….” But your needs won’t get met if you’re saving someone else.
The Attraction Trap: you get hooked on some particular aspect. Maybe he/she is a boat person, or you like his/her group of friends, etc. But there’s no appreciation of the WHOLE person. You must look at the full 360 degrees.
So, what should you do? Get out there, but trust your gut: if you see concerning behavior, don’t ignore it. One indicator is how someone behaves with his/her kids and/or friends. Or if you don’t like his/her friends, that’s telling. Don’t make excuses and justify concerning behavior.
Through the process of our own divorces, Barb Hazelton and Jo Briggs learned more than they ever needed or wanted to know. Through their friendship, shared experiences, and connections through navigating their own divorces, they created this video series. They've been where you are and they hope Single Process can make it easier for you by connecting you to their resources.